Now we are 3

...months, that is.

Missy at 3 months:

Giggles.

Screw tummy time! She'll last for about 5 minutes. (Above photo taken within the first minute of "tummies" hence the smile.) Also shows zero interest in rolling from back to tummy or vice versa. She'd rather STAND. I am not joking. She's stacks her little hips over her little feet and balances. We call it ski conditioning.

Weighs 10 lb 10 oz., 22 inches. She's in the 15th percentile. Poor kid got her mama's build.

Hair is turning auburn. Blue eyes and auburn hair? Even though I am totally anti-gun and refuse to allow them in my house, am considering buying Cowboy a 12-gauge as as "push present."

Pimp My Ride

Even though I am a West Coast girl at heart, I have this compulsion for New England-y paraphenalia: Nantucket decals, Black Dog t-shirts, Boat-n-Tote bags and Shaker furniture.

When I lived on the East Coast, I got a kit to make a Shaker ladder back rocking chair replete with taped webbing seat. I lovingly put the rocking chair together while imagining that I might one day rock my children in that chair.

So nostalgic was I for this image of rocking a baby to sleep in the rocker on a hardwood floor that I hauled the chair from the Atlantic to the Pacific when I moved West for business school.

Right after grad school, I went through a phase where I wasn't sure kids fit into my life. I tried to loan the chair to some friends who were starting families but got no takers. In retrospect, that should've been my first clue. So I hauled said chair again to another home. I swear, I moved that chair at least 10 times.

Once we settled, the poor chair sat lonely in The Room while we waited to start a family. It sat lonelier still as we failed to sustain a pregnancy.

When it finally became clear that Missy was coming, the chair figured prominently in the nursery design plan. Other friends had their gliders and cushy rockers. I considered getting a new ride briefly but when you get ready for a kid you feel like you are hemorrhaging money. So I worked the nursery around the beloved old rocker.

However.

It was only after that I spent several very uncomfortable nights nursing and rocking and rocking some more that I learned that the Shakers are FREAKIN' CELIBATE! Which is why there are like only four real Shaker people left in the U.S. And which is also why their rocking chairs suck. They were never designed to withstand long, lonely nights with an infant in arms.

So after one loooong night when Missy fought sleep after each feed, I announced to Cowboy that we needed to pimp my ride. And I went out and - money be damned - bought one of these cozy, comfy behemoths from PBK.

My ass has never been so thankful.

Missy's not convinced. She still takes much cajoling to drift off to sleep. But at least we're comfortable while we debate the issue.

For those of you who are planning The Room, my assvice to you: do not skimp on a chair. Buy the best, most comfortable one you can afford. You have no idea how many hours you will spend in the thing.

As for the dear Shaker rocker...I'll be posting it on Craigs List as soon as I rid it of any evidence of breast milk and spit up.

The Zen of Ms. Planner

Many, many thanks to everyone for the kind support offered after my last post.

Y’all must have known how desperate I was to put up a post whining about early motherhood on an IF blog fer chrissakes.

I know, I know. Had I read that post on someone else’s blog last summer, I would have rolled my eyes. The outpouring of support from this community was a clear demonstration that every single one of you are way better folks than I.

I have a new motherhood strategy (since clearly the old one was not sustainable):

No more parenting books. Save one. Read below.

And

Take it one hour at a time.

Seriously. This works. I only anticipate and approximate two activities for her: she seems to feed every 3 hours and gets tired about an hour after waking. Some days she naps like a champ. Other days like a high-strung cat. Other than this, I’ve let go of my desire to have any semblance of a schedule.

I go into each night expecting her to fuss and cry. Not hoping that she won’t. She’s beginning to surprise me. She’ll go a few glorious nights without fussing one bit and then – bam! – we’ll have another full of the fussies to put me back in my place. Consistent, she is not.

The good news is that once she is down for the night, she’ll go a full four hours without waking. My major problem now is that she is starting to fight sleep during the day. Since I have always soothed her to a deep sleep (mommy is a sucker) because her reflux meant I couldn’t just lay her down after nursing, now I have to commence with the soothing routine before every freakin’ nap: swaddle, rock, bounce, pace, hum, sing, shush. It is a major endeavor in itself.

Missy does not go quietly into the night. Or nap.

I’m about ready for a little cry-it-out (I know, I know. I’m horrible) but my pediatrician said she is too young for CIO.

I also read Momma Zen, which was recommended by Megan. Thanks, Megan! I echo Megan’s endorsement of the text. Even if you eschew all books on parenting, please read just this one. It's a fantastic book for any first time mom - or exhausted mom - in early motherhood.

It reinforced even more that I need to just be in the now. To not battle between the life I once had and the life I have now or the life I desire to have since the baby arrived. To let go of it all. And just be in each moment. Good, bad or just plain exhausted.

The other thing I stopped doing was attempting to have dinner ready for Cowboy. Letting go of my need to provide this for him has really helped the evening. Now I watch her closely for signs of sleepiness and swoop into the night routine at a moment’s notice. Plus, having it be all about her – and not about her, dinner and a tidy house – makes the evenings not as exhausting just in case they end up stretching into the wee hours of the night.

Lastly, I do have a sitter. While she is here, I am mostly working but steal a few minutes to write in my journal or go to the grocery store sans baby in tow. On Friday, however, I have our sitter scheduled in the evening so I can enjoy a girls night out. Just without my main girl for a spell.

Life gets better with each day.