Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Think Before You Speak

Things I will NEVER say when I am pregnant or a new mom (notice how hopeful part of that statement sounded):


“My doctor said it would be hard for me to get pregnant with my endometriosis, but then we just had that one night in a hotel room without a condom…”

- SIL (not too mention waaaay too much information for family)


“I am so bummed because NONE of my jeans fit!”

- pregnant-with-twins who is now only pregnant with one (sad story but you’d think she’d just be grateful she didn’t lose the other one, too)


“Would you please send me the cheesecake recipe you made for my shower. I would like to a make it for So-and-So’s first Father’s Day”

- friend whose shower I hosted (thanks so much for reminding me Cowboy and I don’t get to celebrate these days, but YOU do)


I guess I’m just a tad bit sensitive these days. Sigh. After having experienced IF, what are some of the seemingly-innocent-but-ultimately-insensitive things that you will never say when you become pregnant? Or if you are currently pregnant or recently became a mom (lucky girls), how do you edit your comments post-IF?

9 comments:

Allison said...

My favorite insensitive comment of late is "I guess it was just my bad luck to get pregnant so quickly." Yes, that is just so horrible for you that you got pregnant after trying for one cycle. Give me a freaking break.

megan said...

"well i guess you will just have to enjoy other people's babies for now." ...said to me after our most recent loss. not that i could have fathomed saying that even if i weren't dealing with IF, but it's definitely the most striking example i have...

Sticky Bun said...

Ugh, there are so many subtlely (sp?) horrible things that people say without thinking, it's hard to know which one to choose. I guess for now, my friend's "we're not even paying any attention, I don't even know when I ovulate or anything" when she was already 7 weeks pregnant takes the cake.

Good times...

Thalia said...

I will never ask anyone if or when they have children. I will never say to anyone "take mine!" when they say they don't have any children. I will (and do) tell most people that this was a hard won pregnancy and that I take NOTHING for granted.

Carrie said...

I agree with Thalia, one of my very close friends who has also had a number of miscarriages many years ago said, 'Are you sure you want one of these anyway ? ' when I was round at her house and her son was playing up. I thought that was extraordinary from someone who had once been in my shoes.
Another friend, who only knows about the longest pregnancy as we'd gone semi-public with that one, was chatting and she said, ' and these folk who pay thousands to have treatment to have kids, they must be completely mad.' Hmmm She has two boys who are the centre of her universe. I didn't mind this so much as she didn't know my situation but it makes you realise that many people haven't the slightest idea how we feel.

Amy R said...

I avoid my family so I don't have to listen to any more annoying comments. I just can't handle it! And your SIL said that! Sheesh.

Coffeegrl said...

This is a tough one. I still find myself second guessing almost everything I say because we’re 13 weeks along with our first pregnancy. In particular I’m careful around our very good friends who are currently in the process of an open adoption. The adopting couple had mixed feelings about adoption initially – he wanted a bio connection to the baby and was really opposed adoption for several years. After agreeing on adoption for a bunch of reasons, he still had to grieve that bio connection to the baby. For a while, I too wondered if we’d ever have that bio connection. Thus, when DH and I could finally celebrate our successful pregnancy, I didn’t want forget that shared pain and frustration by obliviously celebrating the very thing that our friend had surrendered. I don't want to oversell the “joys of pregnancy”. I’m not sure how well I do, but I try.

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

i too will try my hardest to watch what i say when PG.

People can be so dense. What really gets under my skin is when i voice my frustration at my last RE not bothering to test me for reasons to mc b/c she "didn't think m/c's before 5 weeks mattered" and people DEFEND her. What??

Grrr. fertiles suck sometimes.

Amy R said...

Ms. P, Thank you for the very kind words on my last two blog entries. You are so sweet :) Big hugs to you!