Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Stalker

I am stalking Clear Blue Easy fertility monitors on eB*y.

Because I need a new strategy.

The no chart way is working well for my sanity but not for the Summer of {DIY} Love. Is is Labor Day already?

This cycle I used OPKs for many days in a row and always got the same pale blue second line. I gave up on CD 15 or 16. I don’t think I even ovulated this month. My body does this after a stressful spate of work and travel. It pisses me off but I think it is my body just asserting herself.

I don’t know, she says, hand on hip. How do you expect me to pump an egg out of your old ass when you work for, like, four weeks straight through with barely any exercise while subsisting on lunches of chocolate kisses and Clif Bars? And let’s not even bring up ALL that stress about your job ending. Yes, your job is ending! We all KNOW that. My goodness, when can we just get on with being normal again?

See, while I am kind-of-sorta on a “break,” it is more a break from having my whole existence revolve around my fertility. I just want to go to yoga, run, not swallow nasty herbal tea twice daily, not shell out a hundi every 2 weeks for acupuncture, thus not raise my hopes that this month I might get pregnant naturally (shocker!). But I still want to be cognizant that Cowboy and I are at least giving it a shot.

Gross, I just realized what I wrote. No pun intended.

It is like I am in this weird, quasi-limbo of IF-land.

Is it denial that we have an issue, hence the new-to-me monitor?


Is it impatience with this process? And why do I accuse myself of impatience when plenty of others I know – both older and younger than me – get pregnant so easily?

Or is it that I am done and I am ready to move on to the next step? And deciding, really deciding, on what that next step may be?
I may talk all tough about going straight to adoption but I am scared. to. death to take on the cost of IVF w/ PGD with no guaranteed outcome.

And, lastly, is it acceptable to take a prenatal vitamin with a slug of red wine?

11 comments:

Reproductive Jeans said...

Same here! I am coming up with all sorts of crazy plans for some DIY cycles while we are in this limbo--its so tough. The waiting..and more waiting.
And oh girl, I have had my prenatal with a glass of wine every night this month--its my way of stickin' it to IF--even if its a small gesture...;)

missedconceptions said...

Ha! I was just checking the same thing last night on Ebay, too. Are you sure we are not long-lost twins?

I often take prenatals with wine. Bottoms up!

There is a fine line between being proactive and being obsessive. I am unfortunately much better at the second.

Carrie said...

I think a monitor sounds good. I don't think you're impatient at all. It is all so frustrating. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

And the IVF, well that is a scary path for so many reasons.

Prenatals and wine. Sounds like the thing to do. I'll give it a try.

Sticky Bun said...

You're definitely NOT impatient...and I don't think it's denial to get the monitor. I think it makes sense to make the DIY cycles count as much as possible (without the aforementioned obsessing--and I do think the monitor is a nice step down from some of the other stuff we've all done).

As for the prenatals and wine...um, hell yeah.

niobe said...

Coming up with a new strategy is never any fun. Because what you're really saying is that the old strategy was a miserable failure. Or something like that.

Von said...

Yes, it is perfectly fine to take vitamins with red wine. I do it all the time.........
Thank you also for the Nomm-o. Got to figure out how to get the rock blogger symbol on there.
As you said to me once. It's always good to have a plan.
XXXXXXXXX

Mrs. B said...

WHAT??? So chocolate kisses don't encourage your ovaries to do push that egg out?? Well, hell, that's what I've been doing wrong!! LOL.
Seriously though, it is perfectly acceptable to down a prenatal with a glass of wine.... on occasion ;)

Erin said...

First of all, of COURSE it's ok to take the prenatal with wine.

Have a great time camping!!!

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

the cost of IVF with PGD with no guranteed outsome scares the bejesus out of me too! it's insanity really.

Kim said...

I've been thinking about the CBE monitors, too. Let me know if the ebay thing works out.

And of course it's okay to chase the vitamins with wine. I usually do it with coffee these days.

Von said...

Thank you Ms Planner, You always say such nice things.
How are you doing?
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