Monday, November 12, 2007

Fun with Cucumbers

I am not going to complain about being nauseous. Instead, I'm trying to have fun with it. I mean, after a fucking month of daily sickness reminiscent of the feeling you get the day after a "beer-before-liquor-never-sicker" college party, you gotta do something to find a little humor in it. Or you start to pout. And no one likes a pouter after the cuteness wears off.

After years of carefully crafting our weekly household menu (including vegetarian night, which Cowboy hates), I find I can no longer plan anything because I have to indulge in whatever I feel like I might be able to keep down RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

If I don't, I turn ravenous, which quickly turns to nausea and the cycle starts all over again. Leaving me munching on graham crackers at the edge of the bathroom door.

Which means a lot of last minute trips to the grocery store where I buy something completely practical, like, say, 5 cucumbers.

I was feeling horrible on Sunday when the thought of cold cucumber slices popped into my head. Without hesitation, I drove to the store and could not think about anything other than buying cucumbers. I didn't really think about what I was doing, how this might look to the average New Seasons shopper until I was piling them into my grocery basket.

I suppose I could have saved face by buying some other grocery items but thinking about cucumbers was THE ONLY THING that kept me from feeling like I was going to hurl.

Grocery stores are hard enough with all the smells. I needed to get the damn cucumbers and get the hell out.

I also suppose I just could have bought my cucumber stash without looking up and slinking out of the store. But I was so darn sick of feeling sick that I decided I would control this party. It was not gonna control me.

So, just for fun, I shoved my wedding band into my jeans pocket while waiting in the check out line. And for more fun, I picked a guy checker. A cute one.

And to amuse my pathetic self further, I replied, "Oh I will," with arched eyebrows and a little grin when he bade me to have a good day.

At least I was the story du jour of the girl-who-bought-five-cucumbers-and-nothing-more rather than the girl who threw up in the produce department.


L said...

You are too funny! :-)

The thought of cucumbers is actually making me a little gaggy. However, I just wolfed down a quesadilla as it was the only thing that sounded palatable. I may regret that decision, but it sounded good at the time.

L said...

Sorry -- I still can't log in.


Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

That is too funny!

Waiting Amy said...

You are a silly, silly girl!

Hope you have a few more moments nausea free soon. Oh, I love cold cucumbers too (at least in the summer).

L said...

Next time: 5 cucumbers + one bottle of KY Jelly. THEN you will be the talk of the store.

MissedConceptions (again)

Erin said...

That. Is awesome. Good for you! I'm glad you can have a little fun in the face of near pukage!

Lori said...

OK. Now I must add yours to the list of blogs NOT to read with a liquid in my mouth.


Kim said...

Oh no you didn't! That was great.

amy said...

That's hilarious....
Of course now I'm thinking that a cucumber sounds so good.
It is so funny what I crave and need sometimes.


Meg said...

Thanks for coming by and congrats! Your blog seems so much more inspiring to me, strangely similar and hopefully how mine turns out. I am going to the library to get that book today, as well as The Complete Organic Pregnancy- have your read that?

On another note....I read through some of your blog and laughed throughout....mainly because:

1. I just had my husband throw out every Nalgene bottle this weekend.

2. I also call them tag sales and EVERYONE in Colorado thinks I am nuts! (I am originally from CT).

3. Each July I get a sparkle in my knowing it is almost time to buy a new August to August planner. Really I a a true planner, to-do lister. In fact I had a million to-do lists going about a day after my second m/c surgery. Although in my planner - my rule is to only use pencil. Pen is absolutely not allowed in my planner anymore...

JJ said...

Oh damn, that just made me spit out some pineapple---TOO FUNNY!

nancy said...

hehe. That's pretty funny.

Grapes. That was my magic morning sickness cure each time. Grapes.

Ms. Infertile said...

That is funny!!