Monday, January 14, 2008

Welcome to the other side

Back in June, you might remember that I co-hosted a baby shower with a friend for our third friend. The three of us went to MBA school together and ended up in the same town post-graduation. We just happened to get married in the same year. And in a moment of silly, pre-IF glee, pledged to co-host baby showers for each other when - not if - the time came. Stupid, stupid girls-night-out, second apple martini.

This past weekend, I co-hosted a shower with the third friend (the new mom) for our second friend – who is due end of March. It was much more fun for me than the first baby shower because (a) I wasn’t recovering from a recent miscarriage and (b) I was well on my way to being a real live pregnant lady.

But life on the other side is still so weird to me.

There is nothing like sitting around a dinner table full of 8 new moms to make you want to slink into the kitchen to load the dishwasher and soak the wine glasses.

I felt like a bona fide fraud. And nervous, like I was going to be punished by losing Missy if I behaved as if I was a normal pregnant woman at the shower.

On one hand, I am angry that I have let my past experiences so negatively taint my expectations toward this pregnancy. On the other hand, I remain grateful for my experiences. With them I feel like I view this pregnancy with much more objectivity and realism than almost anything else I have faced in my life.

I guess it is true that failure can be a wise instructor.

My friends are starting to ask me about the nursery (don’t I have it decorated yet!?) and my birth plan. WTF! I wanted to state in a loud, emphatic voice: “Look people, I am JUST finally accepting that I might actually have this kid.” So, no, I haven’t decorated the nursery and absolutely do I not have a freaking birth plan.

As a side note, of all the people who I know who have given birth recently, only ONE has had the birth go according to her plan.

My other baby foray this weekend was to take dinner to my friend who was pregnant with twins on my same due date for Junior #2 around Christmastime. She was originally carrying twins but found out one of them had anencephaly, so she had a reduction toward the end of her first trimester.

The new baby only sleeps while on someone’s chest. I am sure this would eventually be no fun to a new mom whose husband is gone on a 48-hour shift and who has a rambunctious 3-year old. Consequently, my friend seemed annoyed with the new baby and wanted to spend more time with her 3-year old.

So I got to hold the new baby for hours. It felt fabulous. At first, I remembered Junior #2 and felt a little sad. But then I couldn’t wait for Missy to get here so I can hold her.

I know I shouldn’t be wishing my life away but a big part of me just wants it to be June already.


megan said...

i hear you on wishing the time could be April any time now as far as I'm concerned!

Waiting Amy said...

Yes! During all the TTC I told myself I would relish another pg (as it would likely be my last). But no, I'm wishing the next trimester away, and then probably the one after too!

As for the birth plan, you are right. Mine did not go as planned. I did eschew the epidural, but needed other interventions (including vacuum assisted delivery). Of course, my mother insists that my vehemence of a "natural" delivery is why I had so many issues. Aren't mothers good at that guilt?

I say, have a flexible plan and like your dr. Then things will be fine!

christina(apronstrings) said...

i wish i could have been there with you. we would have quietly giggled when we made up things you wish you could say in respone to their questions.

"nursery?" oh, no, in my family, the baby sleeps under the front porch for the first year."

but, alas, i am not, and you're not here so we must suffer inane questions from the fertile.


Lori said...

IF messes with so much more than just your body.

Sticky Bun said...

I so hear you on wishing away time! It's SO hard not to. And, yeah...on the planning'll get there someday, no? :-)

Kim said...

I find it so hard to relate to other pregnant women or new moms, too. IF does change us forever but I'm trying to embrace my own outlook on everything, from the morning sickness to the possibility of buying preggo clothes.
Birth plan? Yea, right.....

Carrie said...

It must be so odd to be on the other side after the way being less than smooth. I'm sure it can't be easy to flick a switch.

I can fully understand why you'd like to fast forward. It has been a lot of waiting already.