Monday, February 2, 2009

On why I don't want a new blog

My MIL just left our house, heading back to the Lone Star State. Before she did, she mistakenly called my husband by his older brother's name about 50 times and asked me at least thrice when we are going to have a little boy.

As if I have a choice in either of those two matters.

When I have a few spare minutes, I sincerely enjoy popping over to some of my formerly-IF friends' new mommy blogs. I lurk and more often than not find myself chuckling or nodding in agreement at posts. I've thought about starting a new blog myself. The only thing stopping me is karma.

See, according to my fucked up karma logic, the minute I leave my infertility blog for another space is the minute I will start obsessing about having another baby. And then I won't be able to. And then the whole vicious cycle with begin anew.

I'm already plotting. Let's see. Hmmm. Missy will be 1 in May. I can wean her over the summer and be pregnant by fall...


But the saddest part is that I actually think these things. Nothing like a victory to make you think you are impervious.

Anyway. So that's why I haven't started a new blog. That and because being a full time mom and working part-time running my own business, I feel a serious lack of time and creativity. Instead I will just admire all of the other creativity out there.


Wordgirl said...

Oh Ms. Planner,

We'll always be here -- but I understand -- I've seen many women writing lately about infertility after having given birth -- just that the feeling of identity doesn't leave you.

Perhaps you could think of it as a space for Missy -- not as if you're leaving this one behind...maybe that would help?

And you are beautifully creative. I always admire the beauty of your reflections.



Lori said...

I understand the plotting.

And I also get that motherhood requires a LOT of time and energy.

L said...

I still work the formula: 2 miscarriages + 1 baby means that I am "due" (hahaha!) another baby without a miscarriage.

Except that if I do get pregnant again, I will still not schedule anything for week 8 in anticipation of another D&C.

Yet knowing that my body could do it, however hard it was, is a lot different than wondering if it was even possible.

For me, Baby S is part of my miscarriage story, just like my miscarriages are a part of Baby S.