Thursday, September 23, 2010

Looking Back

What a lame title.

Yesterday I had lunch with a potential partner for my business. She's younger than I, but our lives track in so many ways. She admitted during lunch that she left a monolithic Portland-based sports company in order to start her own company so she and her husband could have flexibility when they started their family.

Only trouble is they have just discovered that they are having trouble starting one.

Sound familiar?

For the first time, I - at 34 weeks pregnant with my second - was clearly on the other side of the IF fence.

I tried to commiserate. I am an open book when it comes to our struggles. How timed sex sucks. How hard IF can be on a marriage. How lonely it can seem. How, yes, I too wanted to kick people in the shins when they asked us, "when are you having kids?"

But I wanted her to know that - although it doesn't seem so now - if she really wants to be, she WILL be a mom someday. How every last person I "know" who struggled is now a mother. (I did not explain the blog and blog friends and how many of you there once were). How she has to believe in this. Even though it is so very hard to do so at this point in their journey.

Her situation broke my heart. I so clearly saw myself four years ago reflected in her.

Like many of you, I want to close my door on IF and miscarriages and white-knuckled pregnancies. In all likelihood, I will in a few short weeks when our second daughter arrives.

But I don't want to foresake all those who are beginning to struggle or who are still in the trenches.

So this blog is at a crossroads. For once, Ms. Planner finds herself without a plan.


Coffeegrljp said...

I think it may be the only "upside" to IF. That those of us who've experienced it in some way can say "There IS hope."

stickybun07 said...

I so hear you about wanting to offer support. My heart breaks for everyone still in the trenches and I often want to just let them know that I get it, just in case they want to talk.

I hope these last few weeks of your pregnancy are uneventful and look forward to hearing your happy ending.

Fiddle1 said...

I understand. I felt that way months ago. I just wanted to move on. I deleted my blog b/c I feel so differently now than I did then. And as far as blogging after baby, well, I seem to have found that blogging and reading about parenting hasn't been as helpful as I would have expected. I think there is so much judgement out there about how to do things, or lack of honesty, and I just felt anxious reading the blogs. So I quit. I just check in on a few of my friends to see that everything is okay (and every single one of them, by the way, is having their second is that for hope?) and wish them well. You know, you can leave your space up for someone in that place to find, someone that needs to hear your story. But, then again, you don't owe the internet anything. I'm sending lots of hugs through the ethernet and hope for the best for you and your family.

Life in Eden said...

It is a hard transition to make. I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I supposed I'll just keep moving forward. I'm so thrilled to have found you and traveled this road together.

Can't wait to hear that #2 has arrived safe and sound!