Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I AM (freakin' finally)

I was nominated by fellow Northwesterner Coffeegrl for the I AM writing assignment about a gazillion years ago. I actually got emotional writing this because I often don’t know who I am anymore. Or maybe it was the Clomid making me a wee bit weepy?

Bottom line is that I don’t feel like myself at all these days and I’m not comfortable with it. But writing this made me think & think. I started to remember the woman who a year ago laughed easily and saw the world filled with so much opportunity and promise. Some days I feel like my world has shrunk to a dark little box. This writing exercise made me remember the person who never put her life on hold for something or was scared to make a move. It made me want that person back.

And, so, here I am:

I am a planner and organizer.
I am both intuitive and analytical.
I am competitive, driven and tough on myself. Sadly, I admit, I am – at times – tough on others, too.

I am a devout yoga practitioner.
I am soothed by being in the mountains.
I am someone who believes that new and full moons really do affect our bodies & behavior.

I am a recycler and take immense satisfaction in the fact that our recycle bins are fuller than our trash bin on garbage day.
I am anal about folding the laundry.
I am rather old fashioned about manners and will insist my children call their elders Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So rather than by first name.

I am the daughter of high school sweethearts who have been married for nearly 40 years.
I am a sister, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law and aunt.
I am Mommy to the sweetest, most sensitive golden retriever on the planet.

I am raised Southern,
I am East Coast experienced, but
I am a West Coast girl at heart.

I am just as happy sleeping in a zero-degree sleeping bag in the back of a pickup truck as I am sleeping under a down comforter in a fancy hotel.
I am a traveler who likes to visit rugged parts of the world.
I am a writer, but only as a hobby.

I am a girl who just wants be happy and full of promise again.
I am a friend who remembers to send birthday cards.
I am a supporter of parks, libraries, food banks and animals.

I am a woman who has questioned at times whether she might want children in her life.
I am a woman who has decided that, yes, she really desires children in her life.
I am a woman who has had two miscarriages, which I am still very sad about.

I am a wife who tries to make her wedding vows mean what they say. Every single day.
I am a true Taurus with all the good and bad that goes with the sign.
I am trying to find some peace and patience on this path: succeeding on some days, failing on others.

There's a couple people who (maybe) haven't done this ever or in awhile, so I nominate:

Von at Murphy is a Bastard (who is in need of some serious support right now)
Watson at My Dear Watson
The Oneliner, but only after her curtain call.
Alice at Into the Rabbit Hole

I am really looking forward to reading these from you ladies.

* * *
Quick RE update:

Both Clomid Challenge Test Day 1 results in the good range:
FSH = 9.8
Estradiol = 39

* I started Clomid on Tuesday. Taking through Saturday.

* Friday is my HSG (I am getting nervous but have scheduled acupuncture prior to the appointment for a little relaxation).

* Sunday is Clomid Challenge Day 10.


Coffeegrl said...

Yay! I am a parks, library and animal shelter supporter too (my kitty came from a shelter and I adore him!). I've really been missing my yoga practice and hope to get back to it very soon. You've inspired me! Oh - and recycling. I get crazy when people toss recyclables in our garbage - that's why the list is posted on the wall people!!!

Reproductive Jeans said...

"I am a true Taurus with all the good and bad that goes with the sign."

ME TOO!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing=)

Von said...

Wooo, wooo, wooo. Your "I am" is like reading about myself. Many thanks for the nomination and the support.

I remember my HSG being a little uncomfortable. Do they give you painkillers prior to the procedure?

Watson said...

Hey there ~

Thanks for the tag!

Yours was so well-written I'm not sure I could come close to something as poetic and interesting, though.

Your HSG is tomorrow? Good luck, I hope everything goes well and update us when you can.

Laura, the (reluctant) baroness said...

Great I am! I also get a huge amount of satisfaction from recycling. We have to take ours to the recycling center ourselves. It feels good to sort through multiple garbage cans of goods, knowing we only put out a 1/2 bag of actually garbage that week. I wish I was anal about folding laundry.

You'll be happy and full of promise again soon, and have a beautiful baby to go along with it!

Good luck with the HSG!

Sticky Bun said...

I'm also a true Taurus with EVERYTHING that means! Thanks for sharing--it's fun to get a glimpse into the real you!

Erin said...

Hey Ms. P - did you have your hsg today? How did it go? Any side effects from the Clomid? I usually didn't get any, but it did a number on my cervical fluid and lining.

To answer your question from my blog, my beta is this Tuesday. I hate the idea of yearning for the Tuesday after a long weekend, but there's no getting around it. I'm DYING. If I can somehow avoid peeing on a stick this weekend it will be a complete miracle. I should have told my husband to hide them.

Have a great weekend and thanks for checking in!


Sticky Bun said...

I hope the HSG went well today!

Carrie said...

Just catching up.
Hope the HSG was ok.

'I am a woman who has questioned at times whether she might want children in her life.
I am a woman who has decided that, yes, she really desires children in her life.'
This rings so true. In fact I wish I could get back to the way I was before. Then this journey wouldn't be a problem.

Your list was lovely.