Sunday, May 20, 2007

Self Help Books

I am reading Dr. Alice Domar's book, Conquering Infertility. I really like the book, except the part about not exercising for three months. I tried not exercising for a month. I got pregnant and promptly miscarried. And all I was left with was rage because I didn't have an outlet for it. So I can tell you from experience that the whole don't exercise thing is a sham. Doesn't matter what you do as long as it's in moderation.

I was super bummed, however, when I reached for Conquering Infertility this weekend and couldn't find a chapter on this subject:

"Coping-when-your-good-friend-who-you-see-nearly-every week-calls-you-on-Saturday-and-tells-you-she-is-pregnant. With-twins. And-her-due-date-is-yours*."

*Had you not miscarried a month ago.

For serious. Someone is surely testing me with this one. I guess I deserve this after refusing to even look at the dueling pregnant ladies who crashed yoga class in matching outfits last week.

I cried. Of course. I do not begrudge my friend her good fortune. She has a 2-year-old. And wasn't even sure she wanted a second child. But her husband did. Anyway, she gets overwhelmed with the 2-year-old so the twin thing is not going to be easy on her.

But I cried mostly because it is just so ironically cruel. Honestly. Ever time I look at her, I will be reminded of baby #2 and what we would have been doing together at that time.

I can't & don't want this to affect my friendship with her. She truly is a very good friend. And I am so appreciative that she called to tell me even though she hasn't announced the pregnacy to anyone else yet.

But, COME ON, universe. If I pass this test do you promise we'll get a baby?



Bumble said...

Shit, I'm so sorry. I truly do know exactly how you feel with this one. I found out I was pg in Jan last year (and due 15 Sept) but mc a week later. The next week, I found out one of my best girlfriends was pregnant and also due on the 15th Sept. Her little boy is perfect and I don't have mine. And the girl next to me at work was due on the 16th Sept. Its so tough and cruel. Be strong honey. I'm sorry. You will make it. x

Erin said...

Crap - I'm so sorry Ms. P. I can't say I know at all how you feel, but I'm guessing it must be horrible. It's bad enough when we find out our friends are pg, let alone this.

Is she the kind of friend you can still see without talking about her pregnancy? I have some friends that are good like that and others who can talk about nothing else. Hopefully she's the former. Good luck - and stay strong! If you can't be around her, don't. If she a good enough friend, she'll understand.

Matthew M F said...

Matthew M. F. Miller says:

I'm so sorry, Ms. P. My best friend's wife got pregnant with his 2nd and the told us the very night we told them we were infertile.

The world has a sick, cruel sense of humor. And just like Adam Sandler, the world has yet to realize she really isn't all that funny.

Carrie said...

I'm so sorry. I really am. This hurts like no one can imagine, unless you've been there. It's one of the hardest things of all because it reminds you exactly where you should be and, not like you'd forget, ultimately exactly what you've lost.
I admire your desire to continue the friendship as before but, please be careful, I really feel you have to look after yourself first.
A woman at work was pregnant 2 weeks behind me (although I didn't know until I came back to work after my 16 week loss)I couldn't look at her, speak to her or even hear anyone else talk about her. It was torture. And then the day that the newborn photo arrived............
I never want to go through that range of emotions again.
I'm so sorry you have to face this. Truly I am.

Laura, the (reluctant) baroness said...

I am so very sorry. The thought of that makes ME cry, so I can't imagine how you must of felt. Hang in there. And you DON'T deserve this (there are far worse things you could have done to the twinsy-pregers-yoga chicks then not look at them!) You're strong - you can pass this and any other test the world throws at you!

Coffeegrl said...

ugh. not fair. truly cruel of life. I'm sorry this is what you've been stuck with. How could alice d. not have seen this coming? She gets paid the big bucks as an author right?

Sticky Bun said...

I'm so sorry. A neighbor of ours had a baby on what would have been our due date and it was heartbreaking...My heart goes out to you that you've got to face that throughout her pregnancy. Hang in there, Ms. P! Thinking of you...