Sunday, May 13, 2007

May Day, May Day

I need to get help.

I am hopeless. I cannot concentrate. I am sad most of the time. I don’t even find pleasure in yoga and skiing (yes, we are still skiing up here) anymore.

Cowboy and I started seeing a marital counselor occasionally after a big blow out about ovulation sex last winter. She’s a nice lady and I like her, but she’s just been cheerleading me on. And I don’t need a cheerleader. I need someone who really gets what this fertility shit (or lack thereof) can do you.

I am afraid that I’ve let it get so far that depression may be a factor in my fertility as we continue.

So I found two shrinks who specialize in infertility in our town. And I’m calling them both today.

God, I need to get control of this before it ruins everything.

9 comments:

Alice said...

Hey--take it easy on yourself. You are grieving. It has its own timeline.

Bumble said...

Hey there, sorry you're going through this. I hope one of those councillors is perfect for you guys. Its a tough time and you're doing the best you can. Hang in there x

Sticky Bun said...

I'm so sorry you're having a hard time...but finding someone who knows something about infertility certainly sounds like a good choice. And, try not to put any additional pressure on yourself...your finding the right person to talk to, and that's wonderfully brave and will really help in all aspects of your life and health. I really admire that and wish you all the best.

Jenny said...

How did it work out? Did you talk to the shrinks?

I hope you found one that works for you.

Jenny said...

(PS, since my regular blog isn't supposed to be linked with my fertility blog, here's the other URL so you don't think I'm a crazy stalker: http://www.tryingforbaby.com/tuesday/ )

Erin said...

Hey Ms. P - I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. The hardest thing is the lack of control, so don't beat yourself up for not feeling in control! It's just not possible with all this. You might have been on the right track with adoption, though. I know that has its ups and downs, but it does seem slightly more controllable than ART.

Thanks so much for your posts on my blog, it means so much!

Just how far up north are you?? Skiing???

Hang in there, lady - E

Caro said...

Just found you through sticky bun and I guess we have similar stories, including the problems with "ovulation sex" by the sound of it. Good luck with the councillor.

Von said...

Did hubby happen to go on strike at the crucial time?

Drop me a line on my blog and let me know if you would like to email me directly, rather than me leaving very lengthy notes here. I'll send you my email and you can vent to your hearts content.

I've been through all this so am more than happy to help you any way I can.

Right now you have to stop the slippery slope you are heading down.

Susan said...

I've been depressed and on medication. Sometimes you need some extra help. I also started seeing a therapist to work through things and I began writing in a journal. Sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of another. I'm sorry you are so sad. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way.