Thursday, May 31, 2007

This Weekend. . .

...I am hosting a baby shower.

Yeah, am I fucking nuts or what?

The quick story behind the baby shower is that I agreed to host it while in the happy throes of pregnancy #1 last fall. I have two very good girlfriends from MBA school. We all landed in Portland and see each other often. Complete coincidence but we all ended up getting married in the same year. And now we’re all in baby mode. So we agreed during lunch one day that we would take turns hosting each other’s baby showers.

This was before I became "the-friend-with-the-fertility-problems."

This was before I even imagined I would miscarry once. Not to mention twice.

By the time it came around to actually planning the shower, it was too late to back out.

Part of me wanted to challenge myself with this. "You are strong-like-bull, Ms. Planner" I told myself. In some weird way, graciously hosting this shower and being genuinely happy for the new mother would prove to myself that I have this whole fertility thing in rational perspective. That I haven’t let it rule my life. If I wasn’t struggling with this, I would still host a shower, right?

The other part of me desperately doesn’t want to become THAT friend. You know, the one who you dread calling with your happy pregnancy news. The one who everyone tiptoes around at social events. The one who everyone asks curiously, "so how are you doing?" Mostly because I’m not there yet. Seriously, with the exception of my friend who went off the pill in January, doesn’t chart, barely knows when she ovulates and is now pregnant with twins due on my due date, I have not been upset when others have shared their good news. In fact, I swear that my heart has nothing but happiness for them. In short, to me, turning down my obligation to host this shower would be an admission that I had in fact become THAT friend.

But really, I must admit that the major reason I didn’t think hosting this shower would be a problem was because I honestly thought I had a great shot of being pregnant for it. Probably a good thing I didn’t bet money on it.

That last part of my rationale makes me sad.

If it is any consolation, the new mom (this is a post-baby shower, so the new little guy will be co-guest-of-honor) also suffered a miscarriage with her first baby and then took almost a year to get pregnant again. And she is a year older than I am. So I have her story, which gives me hope.

And, Ms. Planner loves nothing more than to throw a party. What with all of the menu planning, decorating, baking, cleaning! Goodness! I’ll be in heaven.

So I have made a conscious decision to be as positive as possible about this shower. But, just in case, I am planning a little pick-me-up for the day after: a pedicure and a look-better-naked-exfoliation treatment. I know, probably waaaay TMI, but it is finally shorts weather up here and my skin has been under wraps of jeans, wool and cashmere since September.

Will update after the shower.

Wish me luck.


Amy said...

You are a strong person and a WONDERFUL friend it seems. I hope you end up having fun at the shower and an even better day pampering yourself the day after. :)

Erin said...

Allow me to say, you ARE fucking nuts! But only in the way that good friends are for each other. Seriously, you're so great to do this because I bet, especially considering her history, that your friend would completely understand if you had said you couldn't do it. So to hang in there and pull of an entire baby shower on your own is pretty damn amazing!

Thanks so much for your presence on my blog. I really appreciate it.

I may email you to get more info on your TCM diet if that's ok.


Watson said...

I do wish you luck, but I have no doubt you'll pull this off with grace and flair.

Really. I know all that just from reading your blog :-)

And I've so been there...hosted many showers that turned out fine, some that were aweomse, and some that were so hard they left me crying in my car for 1/2 hour afterwards, the whole gamut.

But I never once regretted doing it, and I know you won't either.

Sticky Bun said... are a stronger woman than I. I so know what you mean about not becoming THAT friend, though. (Although, I am definitely "that" friend with that grad school friend of mine...)

I'm glad you're taking some serious you time after it, though. You definitely deserve it!

Good luck with the shower--I'll be thinking of you this weekend!

Reproductive Jeans said...

Arent you the sweetest--and a little nuts too=) I hope that it goes really well, and that you enjoy pampering yourself after!

Laura, the (reluctant) baroness said...

You are a very good person. I mean, I knew that from your posts and comments, but this tops the cake. I'm sure the party will be wonderful, and I hope your friend is really grateful. She'd better throw you a HUGE shower someday.

Enjoy your spa day!

Thalia said...

Everytime one of you writes about baby showers, I thank my lucky stars I live in the UK and don't have to deal with it. I'm glad you're feeling ok about this and hope you get through it unscathed.

Carrie said...

A baby shower! No way, no way. I am so in awe of your strength to go through with this.
I completely know the 'I'll be pregnant by then so it's ok' feeling that allows you to plan this in advance but now that the time has arrived I'm sure I'd have come up with an excuse. In fact these days I wouldn't even care if it sounded plausible or not.
I really hope it turns out to be not too bad.

Coffeegrl said...

Holy cannoli! I hope it went spectacularly well (i.e. guests were happy and entertained AND you retained your sanity).