Today I went to acupuncture as part of my official member of the pincushion club duties. I HAD to go to acupuncture. The qi stagnating all over my body was seriously bumming me out. This week has been a slog.
I explained the significance of this week, of tomorrow, to my acupuncturist. She understood immediately.
She worked points along the heart meridian. Acupuncture has never hurt me but this time, when she put the pins into new regions along my arm, pain enveloped the points and I yelped when she tweaked the needles.
“Your heart is very sensitive today”
Umm. Yeah. My heart is sensitive because it is breaking all over again. I swear I can almost feel the weight of the baby that is supposed to be in my arms tomorrow.
Seconds after she positioned the needles and the pain subsided, tears sprang from both sides of my eyes and ran down my temples into my ears. She said this was a common reaction.
Lying there on the table, alone, I felt wave after wave of sadness. The tears flowed uncontrollably. My nose stopped up. I tried to remember my new mantra, “my body can do this” but all I could think of was “Lord Have Mercy.”
For years, I used to recite this phrase faithfully every Saturday evening at mass. I didn’t realize the significance of those three simple words until recently.
Let us pray for those afflicted by war. May they live in peace soon.
Lord Have Mercy.
Let us pray for the sick, that they may be healed quickly.
Lord Have Mercy
Let us pray for those that are suffering…
Those three words kept running through my head. I clung to them there on the table, lying motionless with needles in my arms, legs and chest.
I took in a deep breath and felt – scout’s honor, I swear – a quick, almost electric, jolt roll over my heart. It wasn’t painful, just really intense.
And then the tears stopped flowing - almost abruptly. And I started to feel just a little at peace. And I was calm.
I’ve remained calm and centered for the rest of today (so far).
Who would’ve guessed that 18 years of Catholicism (which I don’t practice anymore) and a session of Traditional Chinese Medicine would help start the healing process over tomorrow. Not I.
It’s amazing what can happen when cultures diverge and share.
That being said, I’m still sad I am not pregnant. I so thought I would be by the time this date rolled around. But I am trying valiantly to get over it.
Bring on tomorrow.