Just the Facts, Ma'am

I stopped charting my BBT.

Cold turkey. I had to. I was becoming obsessed. Seriously. My mood for the day was predicated on what my BBT read. Days before AF’s impending arrival, I would wake up several times in the wee hours of the morning because I was so nervous as to my temperature reading.

And I am sure it was super s-e-x-y for Cowboy to wake up to the annoying beep, beeps of the thermometer at 5:30 A.M.

Good riddance I say.

Except, not really.

You see, I am an information junkie. I listen to NPR. Every day. Even on Sundays. My favorite class in grad school? Market research. My second favorite? Conjoint analysis. Which is kind of like market research squared. I heart facts and the more of them, the better.

When I first stumbled upon Taking Charge of Your Fertility, I felt liberated. I seriously wondered why this book isn’t mandatory reading for women (and enlightened men) in college. I became a TCOYF disciple and starting with the effing charts. I still have every chart since I started this process. They are kept in chronological order in a file folder. The charts for my first and second pregnant cycles have tabs on them so I can refer to them to see if my current cycle matches that of those past successes. Sick, I tell you.

I never questioned my charting exercises. And, in fact, was secretly proud of them. Once, my acupuncturist – who loves looking at my charts – noted that she had never seen a chart so thoroughly documented. Oh, I was rightly proud until my RE scoffed, yes he actually scoffed, because I told him I was not only charting but using OPKs starting CD8 or 9 twice a day. What kind do you use because I want to buy stock in that company, I believe were his exact words.

But his comment got me thinking. Maybe I was being a tad bit obsessive about it all (me? never!). In the past year, my body had become a quantitative study. And the more I tried to do everything “right,” the more frustrated I became when I didn’t get the data I was expecting.

So I quit taking my temperatures every morning. And then I decided that I would only use OPKs once a day starting on CD 11. My RE had asked if I ovulated regularly every cycle. I did. So he counseled me to start using OPKs in the middle of day on CD 12. He made it sound all so simple and straightforward. I decided to trust what he said.

Only then my freaking body decides to ovulate on CD 10! WTF! Who ovulates on CD 10?

And because I wisely stopped charting, I have no data to back me up. I can only suspect that I ovulated.

All I have are signs. Yes, other signs, which are sometimes reliable and sometimes not, because I couldn’t stop checking everything.

So on CD 10 I have these signs. And I have other feelings. Um, well maybe "urges" is a better word. These signs were pointing the “Call Cowboy up for a little afternoon delight” section of the decision tree. But did I heed them?

No.

The nerd in me pulled out my chart and said, “Nope, you should be ovulating in 3 days and since we just did it the day before yesterday, we want to give Cowboy’s ponies a little more time to refresh.”

And then my post-o signs showed up the next day.

And I was so freakin’ mad and disappointed in myself that I didn’t go with my gut that I literally gave myself the finger and made an ugly face at myself in the mirror (super mature, I know). Oh I was pissed.

To add insult to injury – or should that be to add ignorance to idiocy – I still started using OPKs on CD 11 and then wasted almost the entire box with exactly none of them going anywhere near positive. I gave up when we left for our camping trip.

So I blew this cycle by not listening, really listening, to my body. And decided that from now on, I am going to shut up and start listening. And responding to what my body tells me, not what the data says.

And I’m also ditching the OPK pee sticks. Fucking sticks.

I’m ditching them because I need the can-test-every-day-if-you-want-to big guns. Has anyone used the monitors or Ovu-lite (sp?) spit testers?

Sorry, but I can’t go entirely cold turkey on the 4-1-1.