Monday, July 23, 2007

Things I Try Not to Think About

That we are on cycle #3 of the 3-cycle-post-HSG-increased-pregnancy-rate phenomena.

That getting pregnant is only half the battle. My bigger battles will come later.

That the Sperm-Meets-Egg Plan – as fun as it was – and a very, clearly positive OPK will actually work.

That it won’t.

That my friend, who just started trying, will announce she is pregnant any day now. I will be happy for her but it will make me feel like such a loser.

That God and nature could be so cruel that I’ll have another miscarriage.

That Gus is almost 13 years old and is visibly slowing down.

That my job, which I have had for 6 years, will end on August 31.

That I made a mistake in February by turning down a promotion and move package to the new state where my company is moving mostly because I was afraid that we wouldn’t achieve a successful pregnancy along with the stress of selling our house, buying a house, moving, starting a new job and having Cowboy leave his job.

That now I have neither job nor elusive successful pregnancy.

Of course, after having written this, I completely realize that I am SUCH A WHINER. Tomorrow I will try to be more cheerful and hopeful and think of all the good things I should think about. Whatevs. But this is it for today.


Welcome to the hell that is the Two Week Wait

10 comments:

Erin said...

You are so NOT a whiner. Those are legitimate beefs you have there. Hang in there, Sister!

Coffeegrl said...

It's unbelievably easy to question our actions isn't it? But don't be too hard on yourself -- no one here is judging you :) In the immortal words of the Brady Bunch in their short-lived musical career "keep on, keep on, keep on movin"
xo

LJ said...

You are not a whiner. This is your place to just keep it all from boiling up inside you.

And you know, you make the decisions you can with the information you have at the time. I hate to use the shitty cliche - but perhaps you're leaving that job for a different opportunity...

I have to believe all this bs makes sense somehow...

Sticky Bun said...

You're not a whiner at all! This is the space to vent. And, you've got a ton on your mind right now. And, all any of us can do is make the decisions we have in front of us with the information we have. Though I know it's easier said than done, try not to look back. And hang in there.

thinking of you...

Bumble said...

You're NOT a whiner! These are all perfectly okay things to think about. And I hope the 2ww goes by in a flash with something pretty at the end! x

tipsymarie said...

oh, I do this all the time. What if's are the hardest.
Hang in there dear.

Chili said...

I don't think you are being a whiner at all! Thinking of you...

niobe said...

That's an awful lot of things to try not to think about.

The two week wait may be hell, but I'm hoping that for you it's a fast and relatively painless hell.

Laura, the (reluctant) baroness said...

Those are all difficult things, so whine away. (I actually don't think you are whining at all, however.) You really deserve a break, and I hope this 2WW is good to you.

Amy R said...

Your not a whiner Ms. P. Puh-lease! You vent away...its good to get it out.