Monday, February 18, 2008


I've done a little organizing on my blog.

When I first started reading blogs in the late fall of 2006, only one blog author that I faithfully read was pregnant. And she was just newly so.

By the time I started That Was The Plan in spring 2007 - after my second miscarriage - there were a handful of ladies, maybe three or four, who were on their way.

Undoubtedly I initially connected with blogs where I "felt" I had more in common with the author. Sometimes our commonality was recurrent miscarriage. Or maybe I sensed an author had similar life experiences to my own. Oftentimes, I just enjoyed the way a person wrote and could feel a personality that jibed with my own from her posts. Hence, I read more blogs of people still struggling than those who had already hit the jackpot.

Sometimes the disparity between those with success and those still struggling seemed downright futile. But I loved reading the success stories. It gave me hope.

This past weekend, I realized that almost one-third of the blogs I read are written by women who have stared down the barrel of IF and have come out still standing on the "other" side. Another third are well on their way.

What amazes me, too, is how different their paths are.

My college roommate (who does not blog) struggled with IF for 5 long years. The birth announcement she sent out last Christmas heralding the arrival of her son read simply, "Believe."

Trust me. Believing is hard to do when we've been conditioned through our experiences to not believe. I still struggle with believing.

Another friend asked me the other day if I was more relaxed now that I am in my second trimester. I told her I was starting to become more chill now that I was getting closer to the point where they would try to save my daughter if I delivered early.

You mean, you are still thinking that way? She wanted to know.

Her rhetorical comment made me realize that she just didn't understand. But I was okay with it.

So here's my deal:

For those who feel they have made it to the other side, I will continue to rejoice with you and help heal the wounds by understanding what you've been through.

For those still struggling, please know that I will stick by you until you reach your other side. On the days when you can't, I will continue to believe for you. Because I know in my soul that everyone will make it one way or another.


Sarah said...

I liked today's post.

While I read IF blogs, I don't IF blog. But I too have noticed that trend in my reading.

And yeah, I still feel that way. 16 weeks pregnant, and still feeling worried, and unsure. While my friend who is 15 weeks is already having showers.

I notice it more too when my husband makes comments like "I really hope we have a baby this time", how much it really has been ingrained.

I love it... "Believe".

JJ said...

Thanks so much...reading that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy=)

Carrie said...

This made me tear up. You are such a caring person. Thank you for thinking of all of us xx

My blogroll has gone a similar way since I started.
Some days the leap others have made gives me so much Hope. Sometimes it makes me feel more alone and left behind.

Whether I read or not I'm always pleased to hear a happy ending. It keeps the rest of us going.

Lori said...

Is this like cyber-nesting?

I like the reorganization. And the reminder that everyone gets through IF one way or another.

niobe said...

I love this post.

Anonymous said...

Oh thank you. I need someone believing in me, b/c trust me, my belief system is temporarily out of order...

Sticky Bun said...

This is a great post. You put into words what I haven't been able to for so long. Thanks for sharing more eloquently than I could.

Wordgirl said...

This literally made me tear up.

It came at a wonderful time.

And by the way Ms. rock-climber -- may I please express my awe...

In my other life I was known to boulder a thing or two but climbing straight up was a whole other deal.

Warm thoughts your way,


christina(apronstrings) said...

i feel the same about feeling safer. two days ago i had a u/s at 11 weeks, and i was terrified that there would not be a h/b. thank goodness there was.
and all the people who say "oh, everyone worries" drives me crazy, IF'ers and m/c'ers worry in a whole other way...which thank god they will never know.
i'm so glad your on the other side.
lovely post.

passingwindows said...

That is a beautiful post. Thank you for the hope, for carrying the belief for us who are struggling.

And I tagged you :) If you feel like it ...