Monday, December 1, 2008

So Long

It has been so long since I've posted.
I know, I know. I suck.
I feel like there is so much to say, to write about. But the reality is that I barely have time to get online. I am so immersed in, well, life. Just life. The everyday nuances and rhythms. The good. The bad. The spit up. The everything.
No offense, internet, but if I have a spare 30 minutes, I am more drawn to making a batch of baby food or cleaning my shower. Suzy fucking domestic that I am these days. (That's another post entirely.)
I've also been struggling with what this blog is now that Missy is here. Sure, I could post all of her achievements: sitting up (check), rolling (check), drinking water from a sippy cup (check), sleeping through the night (pipe dream).

I could post our daily life stuff: waterbabies on Tuesdays; library on Fridays; her first season pass.
Our favorite things: bumGenius 3.0 cloth diapers, the Ergo baby carrier, the California Baby line of natural babycare products, the REI down infant suit, our bunny blabla.

Or the things I've learned: how to get dinner ready & feed a baby simultaneously; how to deal with a reflux kid; how not to put a baby with a dirty diaper in the jumperoo.
The truth is that I have an adorable baby who I took Thanksgiving food shopping and Christmas tree hunting. I am happy. But I can still feel the pain of infertility and the first trimester sickness and fear of a repeat miscarrier like it was yesterday.
It is a dark place in the span of my life. So dark that it threatens to block out the sunshine-y days. So sometimes I just need to put it back there, in the back of my mind. Which is why I'd rather clean the shower than blog.
But then I feel like an ass who has left so many relationships behind. Relationships that developed right here. That I don't want to leave behind. Because I enjoy those relationships. And because I made a promise that I intend to keep: to see everyone through.
I never want to be that blog that just ends. A random post and then no more. A promise to keep writing and then nothing.
But I am struggling about what to write.
For those of you still reading, what are you interested in regarding this journey from miscarriages to infertility to a successful pregnancy and now motherhood? Anything is fair game.
Here are some pictures of Missy at 5 & 6 months old. She is more fun with every passing day.

We love our bunny blabla. He matches our eyes.

First meal. Rice cereal is the bomb!


Wordgirl said...

Oh Ms. Planner.

Missy is SOOOOO so so so amazingly cute. I can see her in her little spyder outfit now hitting the gates...

And as far as blogging -- I understand it -- and perhaps its okay to say goodbye and make a new blog -- one that reflects the sunshine of where you are now -- I would welcome it, of course -- and god knows lady if you're sticking around to see me through you may be reading for awhile yet -- and I welcome you with open arms whenever you might visit me to check in...

I actually love reading your updates about the sun of mommy life -- the beauty of it, the dailiness of it -- it gives me hope, actually -- that perhaps it may just happen.

I am so happy to read your words Ms.Planner.



Meg said...

For one thing you cannot delete this blog yet because in my obsessive terrified overnight panic attacks, I frequent your early preggo day posts. So until I have a baby...these must stay!!!!

Seriously...I have missed you and your posts. But I get it. You are a mama now and your latest posts about the busy of cherishing the baby you dreamed of are the best so far.

So just keep what you are doing. Your end is my goal and I love seeing you there...

Fertilized said...

she is adorable.. Wait, you are that super woman I have read about. You ;eave the house and do things with your child ... Hell, I am still trying to master the fine art of a day with a hot shower and a warm meal ....

Coffeegrl said...

Hmmm. I've been working on a post of my own to update my (almost never updated) blog. I still get quite a few visits although I'm not sure what people are looking for....I had to start a new blog to tackle the new challenges in my/our life. So I hear you. I think it's an incredibly difficult transition to make in life - from "infertile" to "mother" with all that those labels entail. I wish you the best of luck in deciding how to address your blog (or lack of one) into the overall transition. I'm just happy to be a friendly ear and shoulder for support. You were there for me when I needed a little extra cheering; it meant a whole lot to me.

JJ said...

*sigh* she is so beautiful...and boy, can you tell she is one loved little girl.
Please dont stop writing! I get so excited when I see you have posted-I think all of us who were along for your ride to get to have Missy want to see her grow too=)
Hugs from the east coast!

L said...

We too love the Ergo!! And BumGenius 3.0 diapers!! And California Baby!! And rice cereal!!

And ditto on all the serious stuff in your post.


Carrie said...

You don't owe us anything. Please don't feel bad, or obliged.
Life just does this sometimes.
I love to hear/see the updates on Missy. She is adorable. I also love when you drop by my place but I understand that things do change and that is the way it should be.

Be happy doing your thing. That's most important :-)

Sticky Bun said...

GREAT to hear from you! I've been checking in and meaning to drop you a line. I'm so glad to hear that everything is going well. And, unsurprisingly, Missy is beautiful as ever.

And, also unsurprisingly, I know exactly what you mean about the struggle to figure out what the blog is once you get to the "other side." I struggle with the same thing. In any case, as long as you're writing, you know I'll be reading and checking in to see how you are doing.

Thanks so much for the update! :-)

sushilover said...

she is just gorgeous...I think if you do need to leave this blog and maybe start a new baby blog I agree with Meg...don't delete this one! A lot of us reference it way too much!

Anonymous said...