Today is the anniversary of the first time we had timed s3x in order to get pregnant.
I was a complete rookie back then. I hadn’t used an OPK. I still had faith and hope that this whole process would work out. We didn’t even technically time it correctly, since we only did it once during the "good" time. Hey, I was raised Catholic in the South. I had been told for as long as I remember that once was all it took and still kind of believed it.
I was cleaning out my desk the other day and I found a picture taken of me a work event last spring when I had just starting filling out my first BBT chart (cycle #1!).
It was a gorgeous day in Central Park. The company I work for was sponsoring a festival with the NYC Department of Parks. We were at a cocktail reception on the roof of the historic parks building. Tops of trees framed the building skyline that rings the park. My head is thrown back, hair shining in the sunset. This is starting to sound like some soft core porn. I am holding a glass of wine. I am laughing. My mouth is open and curved in a smile. I am so confident and happy.
I want her back.
I suppose I just need to work harder at getting her back. The meditating and breathing exercises seem to help. The yoga helps. Keeping my diet as clean as possible helps.
But I just can’t seem to shake the disappointment that we’ve been at this a year and have gotten nowhere.
Maybe I’ve just unwittingly convinced myself that the happy person I once was will not return until I have a baby. I hate that I have let this be the case. But, again, can’t seem to shake it.
Anyway, Miss Hope, I know that I’ve called you bad things. I'm sorry and I promise not to do so again if you come back around. Just for a little while. Please?
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Quick RE update:
I started on 50mg Prometrium for my progesterone levels. Did anyone else notice big temperature jumps on their BBT charts (I know, I’m still charting – lame!) whilst on Prometrium? I’m in record-high territory on my temps. I don’t have any other side effects. Knock on wood.
I am going home to Texas for a few days and am not sure if I'll have time to post, but will catch up when I return.
Our RE meeting to go over all of the tests is next Tuesday.